I love that even though everything seems to be going wrong, I still have amazing people around me that support and comfort me. People are so good to me, and despite the tight spot I’ve been in this week, the kindness of my friends and aquantences has lifted so much off my shoulders. What especially make me happy is no matter how many times I fight with a certain friend, we always apologize and better the way we treat eachother.
These past few weeks may have been rough, but the great people around me made it worth the while.
This week is not fucking normal.
I feel like everything is bearing down on me. EVERYTHING.
I can’t even play soulfully anymore. I just play straight, like its become work.
Music has become work. This is the saddest thing that has ever happened to me.
Im at a point where everything has become unbearable. From what I see in the mirror to the wrong key in my chamber piece. I have this friend who is breathing down my back harassing me about his chamber group. Wanting me to practice it with him every chance I get, but I cant do that. And every time i remind him of that, he gets pissed. We fight, we yell, it sucks. I feel like im getting blamed for it not working when its his fault for cramming this into five days. I have 5 other groups to worry about. Five. including my own. and all he cares about is himself and what he wants and he doesn’t give a shit about my other responsibilities. He even ignores the fact that this entire issue is his fault. He just gets angry at me, and fusses at me, and slams doors, gives me looks, and bugs me about it every time he sees me, and when I can’t do what he wants, he lectures me about how this is his only group and we only have so much time bla bla bla, and how his group needs to come first bla bla bla, and how fucking stressed he is bla bla bla, and hes telling this to a person who he not only dropped out on, but this person has five other groups to worry about, this person tried to work on his group more than he did, cared more than he did, and this fucking person is his friend.
WHY THE FUCK CAN’T YOU TAKE ANY DAMN RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR MISTAKES AND STOP BLAMING ME WHEN YOU WASTED 8 FUCKING WEEKS SITTING IN A CLOSET, PLAYING ON YOUR FUCKING LAPTOP, EATING, AND TALKING ABOUT GIRLS. YOU DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THE GROUP UNTIL YOU QUIT MINE, YOUR OTHER GROUP GOT CANCELED, AND SING SING SING BECAME YOUR ONLY WAY TO PARTICIPATE IN THE CONCERT. YOUR FUCKING FAULT.
“what about sing sing sing?” “what about me?” “what about my life and wants?”
YOU AND EVERYTHING ELSE CAN SUCK IT. THATS WHAT.
EVERYTHING CAN GO FUCK ITSELF. I’M DONE WORRYING ABOUT IT.
ITS TIME I WORRIED ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE.
I can’t wait for school to go back to normal. I thought sitting in a room with 200+ people doing nothing wouldn’t be a problem, but im seriously drained. It actually magnified my stress and emotions because I was sitting in a room doing nothing, giving me way too much time and not enough to think about. I need to go back to being busy and active so that I can keep my head clear of all this negative crap in my life. Everythings better when I’m busy.